A bit more Randomness
by FunahoMisaki
Summary: Yeah...I don't know why I'm on a Carmen Sandiego kick recently, just that I am. I seriously don't know how I get all these ideas in my head and dreams but they won't leave me alone till I write them so...here's another one. Carmen notices something strange with her detectives, and one of her henchmen offer her a way to find out on neutral ground. But what's going on? AU OOC
1. Chapter 1

**Carmen Ivy AU**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and what if Carmen begins noticing something strange going on with her favorite detectives and has no clue what it is or why it's happening until one of her henchmen brings her along to his second job? AU OOC)**

"Hey Boss." Al said trying to catch his boss in a good mood as he looked at the woman who was studying something at one table.

"Not now Al. I'm trying to figure out what's up with Ivy lately. She has been acting strange, Zack too but not as much as Ivy has." Carmen said not even glancing up from her computer while Sara sweat dropped slightly. Her boss really did care a lot about those two detectives.

"Well from all of the recorded evidence I've seen, there's no drugs or alcohol involved." Sara said making Carmen bite her lip slightly.

"Hmm…maybe something at home or school?" Carmen murmured as she tapped her chin in thought, eyes glued to all of the data that they had gathered on Ivy over the last month since Carmen had declared that the girl was acting strange and she wanted to know why.

"Why don't you just ask her?" Al asked earning a snort from Dara who was nearby with her arm in a cast.

"Yeah sure. Just ask her if something is going on at home in the middle of a heist. Do you want her to break our jaws? She already broke my arm when I grabbed her brother during that last heist." Dara said with a roll of her eyes although there was a bit of respect in her voice. She hadn't thought the detective was capable of or would break an arm. She was so very very wrong.

"At least she apologized and sent you flowers and a get well soon card." Hannah said trying to point out the good side and earning a nod from Dara. As soon as Ivy realized what she had done she had apologized profusely and helped the muscle woman to the hospital, making sure she wasn't arrested during the visit and even sending Dara flowers.

"Who said anything about asking her at a heist? Why not just ask her when we're not on the clock?" Al asked earning a raised eyebrow from Carmen and the others.

"Oh sure approach her at home or school and ask, that's just asking for her to break us in two. Trying to ask her at ACME is just asking for us to get arrested." Lars said pointing out this fact.

"Not there either… look what if you could meet her at a location where she goes when not on ACME's clock? It'd be neutral ground and time, she'd be away from her brother, and you can ask her your questions whenever she gets a chance to talk!" Al said making Carmen look at him with narrowed eyes.

"And where would this be?" Carmen asked as she watched the man curiously.

"You know that club I work as a bouncer at part time? She has a job there. You can go there and meet her." Al said making Carmen's eyes widen and then narrow in fury.

"What _kind_ of club is this?" Carmen's voice was artic cold and sent a shiver down the others spines.

"Not a strip club or anything like that. Just your normal night club. She started off as a waitress and somehow ended up being promoted to the entertainment." Al said hurriedly.

" _Entertainment?"_ Carmen's voice was a hiss and Al waved his hands in front of his face as if to ward her off or placate her.

"She sings and plays the instruments! Guitar, Piano, Violin, Saxophone, Flute, you name it she plays it and she's damn good at it!" Al said quickly as he glanced around for help.

"I wish to make sure nothing untoward is happening at this club." Carmens voice had returned to being artic cold again as she stared down Al who gave a small snort despite himself.

"Sure you can come see. Usually there's only one or two drunk guys that try messing with her, but after she broke the first ones wrist when he wouldn't take no for an answer the others all learned to stay away while sober. They get too bad and most of the time I intervene myself even though she never needs my help." Al said with a small grin on his face, remembering how Ivy handled the drunken idiots.

"And besides even if I didn't intervene on her behalf, all of the regulars would without hesitation. Most everyone up there loves that girl, er…platonically of course." Al quickly added that after seeing Carmen's eyes begin narrowing again.

"So she knows you work there?" Sara asked staring at Al as if he were stupid.

"Well yeah. I mean it's kind of hard to miss a guy my size leaning against the wall inside or outside of the club depending on where I'm stationed that night." Al said shrugging while the others were giving him weird looks.

"Why hasn't she arrested you yet?" Lars asked looking confused by this.

"Well her first night there I was still in jail over the heist, I only found she worked there about two days after Carmen broke me out. When I first got there and saw her I thought I was going to end up having to run and fight too. She just looked at me and asked if I was there to cause trouble." Al said shrugging again as he looked at everyone.

"When I told her I was the bouncer she just nodded and said that as long as I was off the clock and not trying to do any crimes then she wasn't going to try and arrest me or nothing. Said she was off the clock too and that what I got up to in my own time was my business and she wasn't going to get into it." Al said earning surprised looks from the others and even Carmen looked surprised for a brief moment.

"She's a fairly good listener for someone who's mainly the brute force on her team and she doesn't mind talking with me about different books or the compounds of metals and all. I even helped her with some of her science homework once by explaining how to test the acidity of different metals without harming the metals themselves. She's a good kid." Al said smiling slightly, he had grown to look forward to his talks with Ivy when business was slow for him and she was on break for a few minutes.

"Aw looks like someone has a crush." Dara teased the big guy, causing him to snort loudly.

"Like hell. She's kind of like either my younger sister, or one of my friends. Sides I'm not even her type and I'll leave it at that." Al said with a grin at that. Oh he couldn't wait to see their reactions if they came with him to the club, that was going to be hilarious!

"…We're going to this club. I want answers. Sara you will be dressing as me while I'll be in normal cloths. Let's see if she can notice the deception this time." Carmen said glancing at Sara who raised an eyebrow.

"Have you forgotten that she knows I'm left handed? If it were Zachary then I could see him falling for it for a while, but Ivy is more perceptive than most give her credit for." Sara asked earning a smirk from Carmen.

"While I do prefer using my right hand…I've broken my right wrist enough times that learning how to use my left hand was nearly required. We'll see how perceptive Ivy is." Carmen said although her heart wasn't really into testing the detective at the moment.

No she was interested in seeing what the _hell_ was going on with her favorite female detective lately.


	2. Chapter 2

**Carmen Ivy AU**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

Walking into the club, Carmen frowned when she noticed all the drunk people and the people that were pretty much dirty dancing on the dance floor. To think that Ivy was in here somewhere.

"What will you have to drink today?" A woman in a short skirt and tank-top asked as the group sat at a table away from the hustle and bustle of the club and dancing.

"I already have their drinks Trista. Got em right here." A familiar voice said causing the VILE people not working to jerk slightly and stare at Ivy who had approached them with a tray of drinks balanced on one hand. The red head was wearing a black t-shirt with a single blood red eye on the front above a maniac all teeth smile, a pair of black skinny jeans with chains all over it, and a pair of black pumps on her feet with very light eyeshadow on.

Carmen's only consulation to her staring was that Dara had let out a soft curse at the sight of the girl, Hannah had her jaw dropped open, and Sara's eyebrows had vanished under the fedora that Carmen had loaned her.

"Alright super girl. Save some work for the rest of us before you start on the mic." Trista said smirking as she left, giving Ivy a slap on the ass as she did so much to the others shock.

"That girl is certifiably insane." Ivy said rolling her eyes slightly but grinning as she looked at the shocked VILE women.

"Let's see here. For the muscled woman we have the Purple Pusher. For the superstitious alarm cracker we have the Lucky Punch." Ivy said as she sat down the drinks in front of Dara and Hannah before looking at Sara who was dressed as Carmen and pointedly using her right hand to reach for her own drink. Carmen watched curiously as Ivy took one look at Sara and reached for the blue drink instead of the red one.

Carmen herself looked nothing like her usual self as her hair was done up in a ponytail, she was wearing blue lipstick instead of red, and her trench coat was traded in for a sleeveless emerald green shirt with a purple flower on it and a pair of black skinny jeans while her red heels had been exchanged for some black slip on shoes.

"For the mad scientist we have the Electric Shocker. For the thief in disguise we have the Red Hat." Ivy said with a smirk as she set the drinks down in front of Sara and Carmen.

"How could you tell? We haven't said anything and Sara used her right hand!" Hannah looked surprised at how easily they were found out, an expression that the other three women shared.

"Her right hand was shaky as she reached for the drink, a sign that she's either low on blood sugar or not used to using that hand, her eyes are green whereas Carmen's are blue, the complexion is completely off even if it is somewhat harder to tell thanks to the lights, and there is no way in hell that Carmen would come into a club dressed in her usual thief outfit. Especially since she _knows_ I work here because of Al." Ivy listed off casually as she jerked her head towards where Al was intimidating the crap out of a guy who couldn't seem to take no for an answer from the girl he was dancing with.

"Sara was right. You _are_ more perceptive than most give you credit for." Carmen said looking at the girl who frowned at that and stood up straight, the tray underneath her arm.

"I'm glad that _someone_ thinks I'm more than just a brute with a temper." Ivy said her voice cold before she turned around and left without another word or her heels making a sound against the floor. Not one they could hear over the music at least.

"Ouch. You screwed that up boss." Dara said with a wince while Carmen winced as well. That didn't come out the way she meant it too.

"Excuse me. What can you tell us about that red haired waitress? The one with the black shirt with the red eye on it." Hannah asked stopping a nearby waitress who looked at them then glanced over at where Ivy had gone off to.

"You mean Ivy? She's been here for about two months now, one of the best waitress's we got and that girl has some superhuman reflexes. She usually sings and plays instruments at about ten o clock when most of the rowdy crowd goes somewhere else. Talks about a younger brother that she's trying to support and put through school but haven't heard any mention of her parents. Girls got a temper that goes off sometimes but usually she can hold her tongue…when she can't though…ouch." The waitress, this one with green hair of all things, said with a wince at the end.

"She gets along with most everyone, even that big bouncer guy Al that scares the crap out of most of the drunk idiots. Sometimes she talks about another job she has but is real tight lipped about it, and the way she moves…" Here the waitress glanced at where Ivy was laughing at something one of the men at a table across the club said before she leaned in closer.

"My dad is former military, and we got a fair few former soldiers that come in here to try and drink away the memories or pain…each and every one of them agree that Ivy moves like a soldier does all the time. Not one of the normal soldiers either. We got a former special Ops guy that comes in here from time to time. He took one look at Ivy, called her a sister in arms, ordered her a drink, and told her that if she was old enough and trained enough to walk like a Black Ops agent then she could tell the underage law to go to hell for a few minutes. His exact words were 'Old enough to Kill, Old enough to Die, Old enough to enjoy a good stiff drink on a comrade'. Ivy was dead silent, didn't say a word to him but nodded and downed the shot like a pro." The waitress confided making Carmen's eyes narrow while Dara hummed.

"Being trained would explain that move she used to break my arm. That's not taught in most martial arts classes for the public to learn." Dara said thinking about it as she sipped her drink, before looking at it surprised and never noticing the waitress's eyes narrow on her.

"Why would Ivy break your arm? Most of the time when she fights she has a good reason and she holds back enough not to actually hurt someone." The waitress asked her voice lowering a notch as she glared at them suspiciously.

"Grabbed her brother by accident during a tense situation, didn't even see her coming until my arm was in two pieces. She didn't mean to either, it was an accident, she apologized all the way to the hospital and even sent me flowers." Dara said trying to keep the waitress from learning that she worked for the worlds most wanted thief.

"I see…uh oh looks like someone's had a few too many." The waitress said although she didn't look convinced but she had glanced up just in time to see someone approaching Ivy from behind. The other women looked over and saw a drunken Lars Vegas grab Ivy's ass, which earned a thunderous look from Carmen and Sara both.

"And there it goes." The waitress said wincing as Ivy grabbed the guy that was grabbing her and flipped him over her head, into the table in front of her hard. Everyone in the club stopped and stared as the man groaned slightly while Ivy's fist was clenched in his shirt as she dragged him up to face level.

"You ever grab me again and you'll be going through a wall…a concrete one." Ivy growled out as she glared darkly at Lars who paled under her look.

"Understand me sleaze ball?" Ivy asked earning a slow nod from the man.

"Good." Ivy said dropping him back at the table and then looking up at everyone else.

"Well? What are you all staring at?" Ivy asked her eyes narrowing and causing more than a few people to swallow and go back to what they were doing immediately.

"Sara remind me to send him into a sparring session with Al and Dara later." Carmen said her voice a deeper version of what it normally was and making Sara nod her head dumbly in agreement.

"That's if he survives the regulars. Watch." The waitress they commandeered said her eyes glued to the man that had grabbed Ivy, causing the four women to watch as a group of people converged on Lars and not one of them looked happy.

"Like I said. Everyone here likes Ivy. She's just…magnetic is the only word I can use to describe it. She pulls you into her orbit without realizing it and her wit, protectiveness, and willingness to do anything for her friends just makes you want to protect her. The few times she fell asleep here…there's a damn near wall of protective people in between her and anyone who'd try anything." The waitress said glancing at the four women in front of her.

"Ivy always looks tired and she seems to have a burden that she can't share with anyone else on her shoulders…but she always makes sure everyone else is okay and takes their burdens on her shoulders as well." The waitress said softly as she glanced up at Ivy who was handing out drinks and laughing with a bunch of old men at one table not too far away.

"She'd do damn near anything for those she deems as hers, and we'd all do damn near anything for her in return." Here the waitress gave the four women a stern protective look that surprised them.

The look she was giving them and the fact that Lars was a shivering wreck as a mad looking Al escorted him from the club made sure each of the women took the warning to heart.

"So if you want to hurt our Ivy in any way… you'd better damn well be prepared to go to _war_."


	3. I don't own rap battles but they are fun

**Carmen Ivy AU**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"We got a special treat for everyone tonight!" A man in a green suit shouted from the stage, grabbing the mic as the music cut off which earned a lot of cries of protest from the ones dancing. The VILE women had been sitting at the table observing Ivy for the last twenty minutes, glares driving off any that dared try to ask them to dance, and getting slowly but steadily drunker.

"Tonight we're going to have two of our employees selected by random draw pretend to be historic figures or movie characters and engage in a rap battle!" The man said making those who were protesting quiet down seeming interested.

"The winner of the first round has to keep going until he or she loses or forfeits. So let's draw the names shall we?" The man asked with a grin as he reached for a hat that the woman Ivy had called Trista held out for him.

"Our first contestant is Rachel!" Apparently that was the green haired waitress the four women had commandeered earlier.

"Her role is…Mrs. Claus! Since this one is a two on two battle let's pick her partner!" The man grinned as he drew a slip of paper from a hat that a blond waitress was holding out from him.

"Her partner is…Smithers who will be playing Mr. Claus!" That was apparently the name of one of the bartenders who sighed as he made his way over.

"The challenger is…Ivy!" The man said making the ACME detective look surprised.

"FUCK!" Smithers and Rachel both cried out as the red head made her way to the stage.

"She'll be playing Mary Poppins! Her partner who will be playing Bert is…Jackson!" Apparently that was the name of one of the waiters who had almost every color possible in his hair as he walked over with a grin.

"Alright you guys have a minute to get into character. Ivy you go first, then Rachel, and then whenever you're ready just signal for the boys to jump in." The man said looking between the four who nodded slightly.

"Oh this is going to be awesome." Al said with a cackle as he appeared near his boss's table.

"It should be interesting. Does Ivy even know how to rap?" Dara asked raising an eyebrow at the muscle man who grinned widely.

"I don't know but when she gets into the mood for it that girl can be salty and sassy as fuck. This is going to be epic…Sara please tell me you're going to record it!" Al asked the scientist who looked amused and held up a video camera to aim it at the stage.

"And…BEGIN!" The man in the suit jumped from the stage as he signaled the start of the rap battle.

"When there's a battle to be faced and fought the lesson is to get right to it. Practically perfect people prefer to be polite but sometimes you just have to say screw it." Ivy began immediately making the others jaws drop open as she mimicked Mary Poppins's voice _perfectly._

"You never get applause. You're the dependent Claus. You're known for wrapping toys, but my rapping skill destroys." Here Ivy clenched a fist and Rachel jumped slightly looking worried.

"I'm money in the banks so show some respect. If you tear me up like paper then I'll resurrect and I suspect you should check your cholesterol twice. Hey fat cat how are you at catching mice?" Ivy asked with a smirk while a few people 'oh'ed at that line. Carmen nearly choked on her drink.

"You're like a pie crush so easily smashed. I'll feed the birds what's left of you once you've been trashed. I hear it's been years since the North Pole got rigid. Today's forecast says you're entirely frigid." Ivy said making Sara's jaw drop while Dara let out a half laugh.

"Holy shit." Hannah said and Carmen could only agree with the superstitious woman.

"Don't go there honey. The word around town, is that just a spoonful of sugar get's you to go down." Here Rachel dropped a little to the floor while Ivy snickered, the crowd giving out some more 'ouch's for that 'burn' as one boy nearby called it.

"The parrot on your parasol does nothing but protest ("Hey!" Smithers interrupted really fast earning a few snickers) you're a stuck up servant, ho ho horribly dressed." Here Rachel had danced over to Ivy a bit, earning nothing more than a bored look from the red head.

"The biggest charity since ever, we help the masses. With you a couple of kids get splinters in their asses." Here quite a few people let out whistles when Rachel slapped Ivy on the ass.

"Cheeky." More than a few snorted at the pun Ivy just inadvertently said.

"Your rhymes are weak, you're a low stakes player. Come at me freak, I'll one horse open slay ya. I'm behind the scenes but that doesn't mean I'm dumb." Rachel had made her way back over to her side and was dancing a bit.

"Amen to that." Sara muttered earning nods from Dara, Al, and Hannah.

"I run the workshop, keep the books, and advise my sugarplum. I'm a baker, all about these rolls. A big broad bruiser. Even your reflection, thinks you're a loser." Rachel finished up with the L sign on her forehead.

"I find this a bore, let's double it up." Ivy said motioning for Jackson.

"Oh bring it on sister, we will mess your shit up!" Rachel said motioning for Smithers.

"Bert." Rachel said to Jackson.

"Santa." Jackson said to Smithers.

"Mary." Smithers said to Ivy who paused for a second.

"Mrs?" Ivy asked more than said, earning a hiss from Rachel.

"Extemporized before your very eyes, love to laugh at jolly guys I despise." Everyone stared slightly as Jackson rapped at what seemed to be super speed.

"I likes what I raps and I raps what I likes cause damn right Van Dyke rocks these mics." Jackson finished up that bit and then made his way back over to Ivy who looked amused as he slowed down a bit.

"You're an icon of greed, that's perverted the season. You give coal to bad kids, Mary teaches em reason, she's…" Here Jackson and Ivy both began talking at the same time in unison as if they practiced this.

"Super classy swagolistic extremely ferocious. Super Classy swagolistic extremely ferocious." Here Jackson turned to Ivy who just put a hand under her chin with a smile.

"I could do this whole verse backwards but I truly feel, I'm through wasting my time because you're not even real." Ivy said while Jackson had to clamp a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing at the look on Rachel and Smithers faces.

"She went there!" One guy called with a laugh.

"Fool I'm real and I'm spectacular. This dick can't stick to an accent or vernacular." Smithers said pointing at Jackson.

"Your ugly carpet bag might impress a dunce." Rachel said to Ivy.

"But my sack holds billions of presents at once." Here Smithers grabbed himself with a perverted smirk, earning a disgusted look from Ivy and more than a few women.

"The whole world counts down to December 24th. Winter is coming. I'm the King of the North!" Smithers said looking smug.

"Drinking one coke a year has made us rich." Rachel threw that in there.

"My list is never wrong. It says you're a bitch!" Smithers said looking at Ivy.

"Oh shit is on now." Al said looking excited. There was no way Smithers would get away with that.

"Please don't act like you're some kind of Saint Nick." Ivy said with a disgusted look on her face.

"Always spying on minors." Jackson threw in there.

"That's jailbait prick." Both of them chimed in earning a few laughs from the crowd.

"Oh is she bringing the heat now!" One lady laughed.

"This boring British wench needs a long winters nap." Rachel said with a glare.

"You've been a naughty girl, shut up and sit on my lap." Smithers said patting his legs with a grin on his face that could only be described as oily.

"I'm gonna…" Carmen began to stand up looking pissed but paused when Ivy gave Smithers a dark look as she walked up to him.

"That's quite enough of that. The winds have changed here. Let's see how well you fly…without your reindeer." Ivy said pushing Smithers off of stage and causing him to drag Rachel down with him.

"…Damnitt Ives! Can't you have at least given me some mercy?" Rachel cried as she stood up dusting herself off and pouting at the red head.

Ivy just gave Rachel a confused look that seemed so real even Carmen could only stare at her in disbelief while the others began snickering or snorting or laughing in amusement.

They thought Ivy was joking, but Carmen realized with a start that Ivy was being serious.

"Mercy? What's that? Is it edible?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Carmen Ivy AU**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"Why is she never this savage during a caper?" Dara asked with a snicker as she watched Ivy 'Joan of Arc' completely roast Trista 'Miley Cyrus' as the crowd laughed and watched and cheered on the rap battles.

"Because last time I heard her give a smart remark during a caper I nearly broke a rib laughing… or it might have been her kick that did that." Al said before he noted one drunken man harassing a waitress, this one with pink hair, and went to intervene.

"Now that the brute is gone how about we have a dance sweetheart? I'll buy you a few drinks and talk the manager into putting a sexy little number on." A man said swaggering over to Carmen who gave him a bored look.

"Not interested." Carmen said only for the guy to grab her arm. She turned and was about to rip the guy a verbal grave but she didn't get a chance as all the cheers stopped.

"She said no." A familiar voice said from behind the cocky shit causing Carmen's eyebrows to shoot up.

"Fuck off." The man said without turning around, if he had he would have noticed the whole club staring and more than a few people recording.

"Buddy you know this is a _gay_ club right?" Sara nearly choked on her drink at that knowledge while Hannah turned bright red, Carmen's eyes widened slightly at that. Dara was just cracking up at the looks on their faces.

"Bitch I told you to fuck off!" The man spun around and slammed his fist into Ivy's face. Ivy didn't bat an eye or even move her head to the side. Ivy's grin was downright _predatory_ as the man clutched his fist with a cry of pain.

" _Big_ mistake pal, cause now it's self-defense." Ivy's words were nearly purred out as she cracked her knuckles slowly and loudly.

"Bring it bitch! Even with one hand I'm still a Brown Belt at Karate." The man snarled falling into a standard stance. Dara was beginning to snicker at this while Carmen looked amused, Hannah started to snicker and Sara? She was cackling loudly. They all knew that Ivy was a _black_ belt.

"Real fucking neato." Ivy wasn't impressed in the slightest, making the guy snarl as he moved to hit her again only to be expertly blocked with the palm of Ivy's hand.

"I collect black belts like they're fucking stamps amateur." Ivy said catching the second punch without any effort. The man just smirked slightly and bounced on his toes.

"I'm a Mauy Thai fighter too, thirty seven wins, ten draws, and fourteen loses against a vastly superior opponent. And twenty two of my thirty seven wins were knockouts. You're toast dyke." The man said moving to jump and slam his knee into Ivy's face.

"Good for you. Amateur." Ivy said unbothered as she caught his leg with her other hand, stopping his attack cold.

"Try again when you actually stand a chance." Ivy said as she raised one leg and slammed it into the guys stomach, making him double over as she released his fist and leg.

Ivy moved her center of balance to her back leg, and her other foot stopped half a centimeter away from the guys nose.

"If you lost to a vastly superior opponent so many times then you should be able to recognize when you're out of your league. Go home." Ivy said without lowering her foot.

"You're not better than-" The man began to snarl as he grabbed Ivy's foot, Ivy cut him off as she jumped and twisted her body. Her other foot found purchase in the man's stomach again before her twist completed and the foot he _had_ been holding slammed into his temple.

"Wow Ives, you knocked him out. You really don't know the meaning of the word mercy do you?" Rachel asked as she walked over to check on the man and see if he needed an ambulance.

"There's that word again. I don't get it is it a way of fighting or a type of drink?" Ivy asked with a frown on her face as she tilted her head.

"Is she… serious?" Hannah asked slowly, beginning to realize that the girl wasn't joking.

"No she's Ivy." Carmen fully blamed the alcohol for that line coming out of her mouth but it was worth the shocked looks she was getting from her coworkers and disbelief from Ivy.

"Did you just make a Harry Potter joke?" Ivy asked in bemused disbelief as she stared at the crime boss.

"I will steal magic from a Malfoy." Carmen's words were a little slurred while her accent was in full force.

"How many drinks have you _had_?" Ivy asked in amused disbelief as she stared at Carmen.

"Enough that my tongues a little slippery but not enough to dance with a creep." Carmen said trying to regain her wits a bit while Ivy just snickered.

"Boss is getting drunk, got to see Ivy be a badass, and saw her be downright savage in a rap battle. This night is awesome." Dara said with a laugh, earning some teetering giggles from Hannah and a snort from Sara.

"Why's an underage girl like you working in a place like this anyways?" Carmen asked as she grabbed Ivy's wrist and Ivy let her.

"First off, I'm only underage for another two weeks. I turn twenty one on the first of next month. Long as no cops come by and try to ID me before then I'm fine. Second, while ACME _does_ pay well I still need to put Zack through school. He has a scholarship that covers his tuition with a bit leftover for books but it doesn't cover everything. Not to mention our living expenses." Ivy said shrugging slightly at this while the four women frowned, the girl was already almost twenty one? My how time flied.

"Why doesn't Zachary get a job to help?" Sara's accent was thicker thanks to the alcohol but it didn't bother Ivy.

"He does but he usually works at either the college or ACME doing odd jobs and tech support. They don't pay much but every little bit helps and when he's needed as a translator he gets paid double that, but aside from languages and a knack for electronics he doesn't have very many marketable skills. Not the kind that most employers are looking for in a seventeen year old at least. Especially given his lungs." Ivy's mouth snapped shut at the end there, obviously not having meant to say that aloud.

"His lungs?" Hannah asked worried and making Ivy narrow her eyes at all of them as her face turned to stone.

"None of your business. The only thing I will say is that there's a reason that I'm the muscle between the two of us and it's not because I'm the oldest." Ivy said her voice hard and flat.

"What about your parents?" Dara asked quickly changing the subject. It was obvious that Ivy didn't want to talk about her brother or his lungs any more.

The snort and dark look on Ivy's face said that they had touched a _very_ sore topic for the red head. Although it made Carmen frown as she wrote down a note on her cell phone to investigate things later.

Ivy and Zacks files at ACME had said that they had two parents still living healthy, if not lavish, lives.

"What parents?"


	5. Next morning

**Carmen Ivy AU**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

Carmen let out a slight groan as she woke up to a pounding head the next morning, only to tense and shoot up in alarm. This wasn't her room. She didn't know where she was or where the women she had been drinking with were. The only consolation at the moment was the fact that she was fully clothed aside from her shoes which were on the floor next to the rather comfy bed.

Looking around she noticed she was in someone else's room, it was a simple looking room with a dresser and a bed and a desk. On the walls were some pictures and there were some trophies on the dresser top and if she wasn't mistaken there were at least eight different black belts hanging on the wall near the door.

Hearing footsteps Carmen immediately moved over to the door ready to ambush whoever had taken her and find out where the others were.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you Carmen." Ivy said as soon as she entered the room, not even looking at the woman that had been silently waiting to ambush her.

"Ivy? Where am I and where are the others?" Carmen asked surprised but relieved to see the red head who gave her an amused look.

"Don't the pictures on the wall make it obvious? You all had a few too many and I didn't think it was a good idea to let you go back to a base full of criminal idiots who would try and take advantage of you four. I brought you to my house and let you sleep here. You're in my room, Hannah and Bellum are in the guest room but Dara was being combative so I knocked her out and put her on the couch." Ivy said making Carmen blink slowly as she ran that through her brain a few times before wincing at the thought of going back to the base drunk. Ivy was right the others, particularly the men, _would_ try and take advantage of her and the other three drunken women.

"Thank you." Carmen said before wincing as her hangover made itself known again with vengeance.

"Hangover? No surprise. You drank a lot last night." Ivy said unbothered as she went to her dresser and pulled out a couple of shirts and some skirts.

"Here. They might not fit perfectly but they're clean. Shower's across the hall. Better hurry cause I'm about to start waking the others. Breakfast is in twenty minutes." Ivy said shoving a shirt and skirt into Carmen's arms and then pointing at the bathroom door.

"There's medicine in the bathroom, blue bottle with a red cap. Can't miss it. It'll help with the hangover." Ivy said looking a bit sympathetic before she left the room and walked to the one next to it.

Just in time since there was a loud yelp and a slew of curses in at least three different languages that was heard through the wall and door.

"OI! It's seven am and some of us have work in a little while!" Zack was heard yelling from a room a little ways further down the hall.

"Breakfast is ready in twenty minutes Zack! We have visitors so make sure you're decent!" Ivy shouted back, causing Carmen to hold her head in her hands.

"You're having too much fun with this. Sadist." Carmen hissed at the red head with a blood shot glare.

"Call a cop." Ivy said with a snort as she opened the door the yelp and curses had come from.

"Now if you managed to strip after I put you both in that bed then you're doing the laundry because I am _not_ cleaning up that kind of mess." Ivy said with a smirk, causing there to be stuttering from one voice and loud denials from another.

"Sis tell your guests to shut the hell up!" Zack yelled again, causing all three of the women to cradle their heads although it seemed like Hannah was better off than her boss and the scientist.

"They have hangovers Zack so tone it down and get out of bed. If I have to come in there you're going to work and school with baby blue hair!" Ivy threatened earning a loud yelp from her brothers room as the door was flung open.

Zack stood in the doorway with his hair in a mess and just wearing a pair of boxers as he stared at his sister in horror.

"You wouldn't." He said wide eyed earning a snort from Ivy.

"Call me sis again and it'll be bright pink hair. Now go get some clothes on. All of our guests are women outside of your age range and I'm pretty sure they don't wanna see your scrawny pale behind." Ivy said as she shoved a bathrobe in Hannah's hands and a shirt and skirt into Sara's.

"Hey I'm getting some muscles!" The seventeen year old said protesting the scrawny part as he tried to flex his arms and abs. Ivy snorted slightly as she walked over.

"Sure you are little bro. You're still a pale little twig. Now get dressed. Breakfast is in fifteen minutes." Ivy said pushing her brother back into his room and closing the door while he protested being called a twig.

"Carmen's in the shower, you can have a go after she's out. Breakfast is in less than twenty minutes. Hangover medicine is in the bathroom, blue bottle with the red top. Sorry I don't have anything to fit you better Hannah but I can wash your cloths while we eat and you can put em back on right after. Now excuse me but I need to wake Dara and then make sure breakfast isn't burning." Ivy said nodding to the two women who were cradling their heads although that might be because Carmen had obviously started feeling better.

"You're no Taylor Swift." Ivy said snorting at hearing Carmen singing in the shower.

"Alright Dara time to get up." Ivy said rolling the muscled woman off of the couch in the living room, causing her to jump up swearing from the floor…only to wince and cradle her head a moment later.

"Someone extinguish the sun." Dara groaned as she closed her eyes.

"There's hangover medicine in the bathroom, blue bottle red cap. Carmen's in the shower now though and apparently she thinks she should be on America's Next Top Idol. I think she needs a hell of a lot of auto-tune if she tries." Ivy said with a snort making Dara snicker weakly but wince.

"Breakfast is in about fifteen minutes." Ivy said after putting the final tee-shirt and skirt on the couch.

"Hey Ives! Why's there a bunch of women from VILE here?" Zack shouted down the hall to his sister, making her snicker since she knew every last one of them was cradling their heads in their hands again.

"If you do not stop shouting I will throw you out the window." Dara hissed to Zack as he came bouncing down the stairs into the kitchen, Dara looking rumpled in her cloths as she followed him. Carmen and Hannah had wet hair and were wearing the cloths Ivy had leant them while Sara was looking like death warmed over in the cloths Ivy gave her.

"Take a guess Zack." Ivy said with a smile as her brother hugged her good morning as she put the last plate of pancakes on the table, each of the women sitting down or rather slumping down in the chairs that were at the table and already pulled out.

"…" Zack stared blankly at his sister and then turned to stare silently at the four women for a moment as they thanked Ivy for the clothes and food and began to down their water and breakfast.

"…" Zack stared for a moment longer before turning and giving his sister a disbelieving look.

"Did you seriously just have sex with Carmen and some of her henchwomen last night?"

Zack's question was timed perfectly.

Carmen's water was nearly spewed across the table, while Hannah slipped from her chair trying to avoid it and Dara had to slap Sara on the back when the scientist began choking on her pancakes.

"If I did?" Ivy asked amused even though she knew she didn't do any such thing…and she was sure Zack didn't either.

He was just being a little shit.

"…Good for you." Zack said shrugging and then sliding into his chair as Ivy pressed a glass of water and some pills into his hand.

Ivy's next words nearly had the still spluttering Carmen and Sara re-choking.

"Take your medicine Zack and stop being a little shit. They're hungover." Ivy said ruffling her brothers hair.

Poor Hannah and Dara were bright red at Zack's next sentences.

"All four of them at the same time Ives? I mean I heard the rumors about you in high school but damn I didn't know they were true."


	6. Chapter 6

**Carmen Ivy AU**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"Do I _want_ to know what we did while drunk?" Sara asked with a groan as she looked at Ivy who was washing up the dishes and handing out coffee to the four women who were all clean and just waiting for their clothes to be washed and dried. Hannah and Carmen both offered to help but she shooed them away saying that she had it no problem.

"I want to hear about this." Zack said grinning and looking curious as he got ready to head off for school.

"You have school in twenty minutes and they needed you to translate a test for one of the students today." Ivy said giving her brother a stern look and making him sigh slightly.

"I get it. I get it. Later ladies. Bye kaa-san" Zack threw that last bit out as he kissed Ivy's cheek and then left the house. Carmen's eyebrow shot up at the title while Sara stared in disbelief.

"You do know he just called you mom right?" Sara asked after a minute of staring while Ivy finished up the dishes and led them into the living room.

"Of course I know. He's been calling me that ever since he was seven." Ivy said as she sat in a simple recliner, Sara and Hannah sitting on the couch, Carmen taking the other recliner, and Dara just leaning against the wall.

"Zack's annoying when he wants to be but he's a good kid. I did the best I could and he sees me as a mom. The fact that we hardly ever see our own parents only seemed to help him decide that I'm his mother in all the ways that count." Ivy said with a smile as she glanced up at the mantle on the fireplace where there were plenty of Mothers Day cards and pictures of Ivy and Zack together through the years.

"Speaking of them. Where are your parents? Wouldn't they have called the cops on us?" Carmen asked frowning as she looked at the pictures and noticed that it was only of Ivy and Zack and sometimes a few other detectives or the Chief. There was no picture of any parents.

"Last I heard they were at the Russia estate talking business deals or something like that. Honestly I wouldn't put it past them to be in the crime business as well but if they are then they keep everything well hidden from me and Zack. They honestly don't care what I or Zack do as long as we don't make the papers or tabloids in a bad way they're more than happy to let us just do whatever we want." Ivy said shrugging her shoulders and looking unbothered by this.

"So you and Zack live here by yourselves?" Dara asked frowning at this and earning a nod from Ivy.

"Yeah I wanted to prove I could make my own way without my parents help, that was back when my grandmother was still alive. She thought it was a good lesson not to rely too much on my inheritance and to learn some responsibilities so that I don't end up like my mother who has people do almost literally everything for her. Grandma bought me and Zack this house for my fourteenth birthday, and the bills were covered for two months while we settled in and I made sure my checks from ACME were in the proper bank account so I didn't use my inheritance by accident." Ivy said making them stare at her in shock.

"You've been living by yourself since you were fourteen?" Sara asked in disbelief and earning a snort from Ivy.

"Not in the least. When I moved in here, Zack came with me. He is _my_ boy after all. Occasionally when the other detectives are in this area of the world they stay here or if they need a night to get away from home and all that because of something then they have a standing invitation to come here. Grandma came to visit a lot too to check up on us." Ivy said with a small smile and a shake of her head before she frowned.

"I was supposed to go back to the California house with Zack after…after grandma died but…" Ivy sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"There was a bunch of legal bullshit and dear old mom and dad didn't have time to deal with it themselves apparently. The only thing they told me was to wait until the Will Reading before doing anything. Bastards didn't even go to her funeral." Ivy growled slightly as she glared at nothing.

"That's why you've been…different lately. I was worried something was wrong with you, not that having a loved one die is ever good." Carmen said frowning and then trying to recover what she was saying because the way she phrased it was not exactly the best.

"So you said last night. In between the rest of the chaos that is." Ivy said with an amused smirk on her face as she observed the four women rather lazily. As if they were just an interesting subject but she didn't want to be too invested in it.

"What did we do?" Hannah asked earning a snort from Ivy.

"You three are officially invited back to the bar anytime, Hannah the boss wanted to ask you about upgrading the security system after he heard you rant about it being useless bullshit. Helps that you're a happy drunk." Ivy said looking amused as she watched the alarm expert blush at that.

"Dara is apparently a flirty drunk, I'm sure if she bothered looking in her pants pocket she'll find at least ten different phone numbers, guys and girls. Helped that you sucker punched one drunken idiot when he grabbed Rachel's ass." Ivy said glancing at Dara who looked surprised but then grinned.

"My boss wants to hire you as a bartender. You made three new drinks after having a few too many…and you're very cuddly when drunk. Hannah didn't seem to mind though." Ivy looked at Sara who turned slightly pink in the cheeks at this but not as bright red as Hannah had.

"You on the other hand…I don't think it'd be a good idea for you to head back to the club anytime soon." Ivy said looking at Carmen and she was definitely amused now.

"What did she do?" Dara asked grinning as she looked at her boss who looked a bit nervous now. She didn't get drunk often and when she did she was alone…so how did she act in public?

"She stole the wallets of fourteen different people, as well as countless drinks on the tables from the other customers, got into a fight with one grabby moron and knocked out three of his teeth. You did that while saying how you'd steal various things that aren't real. Honestly the others thought it was all very amusing up until you pulled the last stunt before you passed out." Ivy said making Carmen close her eyes and try not to be mortified too openly. She made a damned fool of herself…and she didn't even remember it.

"What last stunt?" Sara asked raising an eyebrow.

Ivy's grinned as she looked at Carmen amused.

Her words had Carmen turning as red as her iconic hat and trench coat as she stared in disbelief at the red haired detective.

"She decided to pull me onto her lap and make out with me. The others weren't too pleased."


End file.
